Letter from Brittany 184
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French Silicone Valley.

Due to a slight carcinogen risk 30,000 poor women have been advised by the government here to have their suspect silicone breast implants removed. Notwithstanding the fact that many of these will be prosthesis implants following partial and radical mastectomy itís a sad story. Particularly sad for those women that felt it worth the money and the pain having their bodies carved up in the pointless pursuit of pleasing their opposite sex. In my opinion overly large breasts are not very attractive at all and imitation ones are the biggest sexual turn-off I can imagine. Any woman thinking she needs big boobs to attract a man should instead look for a better one.

Fortunately for these women though they live in France so it is likely the French government will cover their costs. They can be grateful therefore theyíre not suffering under Britainís Draconian NHS regime!

Anyway, is there any silver lining to this gloomy cloud? Silicone gel as a raw material isnít cheap so a scrap breast mountain may be useful. Two mountains and you might have a Silicone Valley of course.

What useful purpose could all this recovered silicone gel be put to one could ask? For the puerile male 'big tit' fetishist they could be used to make adult themed 'Bouncy Castles' I suppose.

The average single implant weighs about 325 grams apparently (I researched it!). Assuming the majority, although acceptably not all, implants are installed in pairs (very few women would wish to have three or four) then thatís 30,000 X say 95% double plus therefore 5% single = 58,500 implants.

At 325 grams each thatís an astonishing 19 tonnes of silicone gel.

Apparently the suspect material that was mischieviously used in this case was industrial type silicone gel. Similar to that used for the manufacture of foam for cheap mattresses and upholstery cushions. 19 tonnes of the stuff when expanded into foam would make a 15cm mattress big enough to cover the pitch at Wembly Stadium. If youíre planning on succumbing to one of DFSís notorious weekly ĎOnce in a Lifetimeí sales and buying a cheap sofa, first check to make sure it doesnít smell of Chanel No 5!

Iíve finished patting cushions now.

For the day anyway.