Letter from the Knights of Avoirdupois 9
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More crackling anyone?

I was driving back home through deepest west Brittany the other evening when suddenly I saw a very strange thing. A farmyard with a big old sow in it with a wooden leg. No ordinary wooden leg either. Made out of polished mahogany and beautifully carved and decorated. A perfect match for the one on her other side.

Curiosity got the better of me so I turned around and entered the farm. I knocked on the door of the farmhouse. A kindly and very cheerful old chap answered it.

“Good day.” I said, except in French of course. “I couldn’t help but notice your pig. The one with the wooden leg.”

“Ah yes.” replied the old man, except in French of course. “There’s a story to tell about old Armelle.”

“Do please continue.” I urged.

“Well one night Armelle must have been woken in her sty by the smell of smoke. Our house was on fire you see. I don’t know how Armelle managed it but she broke down the front door and she dragged my dear wife out of our bed and into the fresh air outside. Then she went back in and did the same thing for our two dear children. Saved their lives she did. Finally, with the house well ablaze by this time, she went in and woke me and guided me out through the smoke and flames. Bless her. So I made her a new back leg.”

“Oh dear what a wonderful but also sad story. I suppose she lost her leg as a result of injuries she sustained in the fire?”

“Good heavens no man. Do you think I’m daft? You can’t eat a fine animal like Armelle all at once!”

I've finished roasting now.

For the day anyway.