Absolute, verbatim truth. Word for word. Though please forgive my attempts at phonetics.

Winter doth approach. Our wine cellar took its usual hammering through summer and so a few weeks back we set off for a popular cave* to buy some more.
*pronounced carve. A place that stocks and sells wine in France.

As luck would have it, as we drove in we saw the cave had a wine tasting in full swing (obviously expecting us then!). We parked up and strode in.

“Ee up luvs. Canna ‘elp e?” Said the pleasant young lady at the door. In something approaching English.

A little surprised I stammered “Er, yes. Please. We’re looking to restock our cellar. How did you guess we were English?”

“Aye. It wur eeazy mun. Reeght ‘an’ driyeve mooeta an’ yer ‘air coot*.” The girl replied.
spacer_transparent.gif *Hair cut.

“How long have you lived in France?” I asked, by way of reciprocating with a little polite conversation.

“Wot yer mayene? Ah wur born ‘ere. Ah’m French ah am mun!” Leeved ‘ere ull muh liyef ah eave." She responded, a little indignantly. "Well ‘part frum cuppla yayers in Ayengluund. Ah wur Ooh Paear, see.” She continued. Gleefully.

“Oh I see. Sorry. My mistake. Whereabouts in Tyneside were you an Au Pair?”

“Noocassul.” Came the almost predictable answer. “Ow yer knoo ah wur ein Tynesiede?”

“It wur yer ‘air coot.” I replied.

She looked puzzled.

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Bringing the benefits of computerisation to our industry - without the historically associated problems.

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