Sadly neither with us now. Both taken from us way too young.
Dudley Moore, CBE (19 April 1935 – 27 March 2002). (Mr Spiggott)
Peter Cook (17 November 1937 – 9 January 1995). (Theatrical Agent)
(© One Leg Too Few. Copyright 1964 BBC)
Peter Cook: Nice to see you.
Dudley Moore: Nice to see you.
Peter Cook: Settle down. Uh, Mr Spiggott, is it not?
Dudley Moore: Yes, Spiggott's the name, acting's my game.
Peter Cook: I see. Spiggott is the name and acting is your game.
Dudley Moore: Right.
Peter Cook: If you'd like to settle down for one moment, Mr Spiggott.
Dudley Moore: Certainly, yes.
Peter Cook: Thank you very much. Mr Spiggott, er, you are auditioning, are you not, for the role of Tarzan?
Dudley Moore: Yes.
Peter Cook: Uh, Mr Spiggott, I, uh, I couldn't help noticing - almost immediately - that you are a one-legged man.
Dudley Moore: Oh. You noticed that?
Peter Cook: When you've been in the business as long as I have, Mr Spiggott, you, uh, you get to notice these little things, almost instinctively.
Dudley Moore: Yeah. Sort of ESP.
Peter Cook: That kind of thing, yes.
Dudley Moore: Mmm, yes.
Peter Cook: Now, Mr Spiggott, you, a one-legged man, are applying for the role of Tarzan.
Dudley Moore: Yes, right.
Peter Cook: A role traditionally associated with a two-legged artiste.
Dudley Moore: Yes, correct, yes, yes.
Peter Cook: And yet you, a unidexter... are applying for the role.
Dudley Moore: Yes, right, yes.
Peter Cook: A role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement. Well, Mr Spiggott, need I point out to you with overmuch emphasis where your deficiency lies as regards landing the role?
Dudley Moore: Yes, I think you ought to.
Peter Cook: Perhaps I ought, yes. Need I say without, uh, too much stress that it is in the, uh, leg division that you are deficient.
Dudley Moore: The leg division?
Peter Cook: The leg division, Mr Spiggott. You are deficient in the leg division to the tune of one. Your right leg I like. It's a lovely leg for the role. As soon as I saw it come in, I said, "Hello! What a lovely leg for the role!"
Dudley Moore: Ah!
Peter Cook: I've got nothing against your right leg.
Dudley Moore: Ah!
Peter Cook: The trouble is - neither have you.