"Yes. I would describe it as windy Sir."

"Not good enough. What strength do you estimate the wind to be on the Beaufort Scale?"

"Don't know nowt about t' Bootyfoot scale but all the gulls are flyin' backards."

"Well you had best drive back here to headquarters immediately and we will discuss your future career prospects with HM Coastguard."

"Well I would drive back Sir, but I can't."

"Why on earth not man?"

"Wind just blew your Land Rover orf yon cliff. Sir."