7-t-t-t. True story. Queen Elizabeth Hospital, King's Lynn, Norfolk, England. July 1999.

The Otis lift company once made a mistake. They had nice cast bronze plaques made. For fixing to their lift doors, which read 'MAXIMUM 10 PERSONS' What Otis never anticipated was ten people turning up one day similar to the NHS 'Dietician' sent to counsel me, following my heart attack.

She was what I would describe as '7-t-t-t'. As in 7 to the tonne. Ten like her, even if they did all manage to squeeze themselves in, would set off overload alarms and automatically cut power to the winding motors.

7-t-t-t "What do you eat for breakfast then? I bet you have a Fry-up every morning, don't you?"

Me "I don't eat Fry-ups. I never have. I rarely eat breakfast and when I do it will be cereal or fruit juice."

7-t-t-t "Thought so. Sausages, bacon, fried eggs, Black pudding, fried bread, that sort of thing eh?"

Me "No. I told you. I do not eat Fry-ups. Indeed my wife and I rarely eat any fried food at all. Not even chips."

7-t-t-t "Yeah. Chips is bad for you too init. You should try and stop eatin' 'em. Full of BAAAD Cholesterol."

Me "You aren't listening are you? My wife and I eat very lititle red meat, a small Sirloin steak perhaps once a month. Then maybe roast chicken, also once a month. The rest of the time we eat fish, salads, some cheese, scrambled eggs or omelletes. A lot of fruit. No cakes or biscuits at all."

7-t-t-t "Yeah. Try and reduce them cakes and biscuits. Bad for ya they are."

Me "Listen Cloth Ears! I do not eat any of what you describe. If you don't listen to your customers then how the hell can you get off your great, fat arse and help any of them?!"

7-t-t-t "You can't talk to me like that! I shall report you, report you to - . Well I'll report you, OK? You aren't my customer you are my patient!"

Me "I am your customer. Who the hell do you think pays your fuckin' salary?! Without choice, unfortunately!"

At which point she eased her huge bulk off the end of my bed and left. Click and return to previous page

Mistral's commitment:
Bringing benefits of computerisation to our RAC industry - without the commonly associated problems.