Don't forget. Those trying to pull you down can only do so from beneath you
Arnold H Glasow

To be natural is such a difficult pose to keep up.
Oscar Wilde

It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.
Mae West

My main problem is reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
Errol Flynn

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.
John Updike

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Ingrid Bergman

Whoever named it necking was a pretty poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Hector Berlioz

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

A good story teller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't.
Irvin S Cobb

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs or cutting hair.
George Burns

In spite of the cost of living it's still popular.
Laurence J Peter

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller

I find red wine improves with age. The older I get the more I like it.
Raymond George

It usually takes me three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
Mae West

A woman will sometimes forgive the man who tries to seduce her, but never the man who misses an opportunity when offered.
Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer, it just seems longer.
Clement Freud

I never need to lie, just re-arrange the truth in my favour.
Raymond George

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck

The most popular labour saving device is still money.
Phyllis George

When you say you agree to a thing on principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
Otto Von Bismark

Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much.
John Wayne

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

You can't make anything idiot proof because idiots are so ingenious.
Ron Burns

When a government fears its people there is liberty, but when a people fear their government there is tyranny.
Thomas Jefferson

Inexperience is what makes a young man do what an older man says is impossible.
Herbert V Prochnow

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

Who drank my breakfast?
W C Fields

The big print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
Monsignor J Fulton Sheen

Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.
John Galsworthy

Lady Docker to Sir Winston Churchill

"Winston, you're drunk!"

"Ah yes madam, and you are ugly. However, in the morning, I shall be sober!"