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Mistral EC
Mistral USA
Christmas Eve 1983 I was working late at our Northampton factory. I left for the 90 mile drive back to my home in Norfolk around 7:30 pm.
Arriving in Wisbech, Cambridgeshire at around 8:45 pm I approached a roadworks traffic control light on green, at around 35 MPH in a 30 MPH zone. Just a few metres before the road entered the county of Norfolk.
A car was tailgating me less than 2 metres behind. There was frost on the ground. I had recently returned from Sweden and was running on Tungsten Carbide studded tyres. As required by law in Sweden between November 1 and March 31.
The lights changed through Green, Amber, Red, faster than you could pronounce those three words, when I was less than 3 metres from the lights.
I pressed on.
Within seconds the car behind went 'Blues and Twos'. Immediately after I passed through the roadworks I pulled into a layby.
A ladypoliceman got out of her car and along with a male oppo who hadn't yet started shaving, she announced "You ran a red light!"
I protested but she was having none of it. She then proceeded to walk round my three month old Rover SD1. Shining her torch on the tyres she announced "Your tyres are illegal!" and made a note in her pocket book.
The case went to Court in Wisbech around two months later. I elected to attend, along with a dead from the neck up appointed solicitor.
I explained to the bench that had I stood on the brake pedal I would have collected the agent provocateur, ladypoliceman's Vauxhall Cavalier in the back of my car, with absolute certainty. My exact words! I also made mention of the fact I was speeding yet this never attracted either the notice or the interest of the ladypoliceman, so too late to introduce a Charge for that now.
I also declared that the Traffic light timing sequence was illegally set too short between colour changes and also should never be placed directly adjacent to the stop line but at twenty feet ahead of it. According to Road Traffic Act 1939, Section ##, paragraph ##, etc., etc. By this time my appointed Solicitor was asleep.
The Magistrates turned to the matter of the tyres. "How old is your car Sir?" The head honcho started. "Three months." I replied.
"And you are driving on bald tyres in a three month old car?!" The intellectually challenged idiot continued.
"The Charge does not say that. It says Tungsten Carbide studded tyres are illegal for use driving in Britain. However the Charge is incorrect and someone didn't do their homework. Studded tyres are legal for driving in Britain, when the conditions justify doing so, and which they did. On the night in question the temperature was three degrees below zero Celsius. It was thus permitted to use either snow chains or studded tyres, providing both are removed from the vehicle at the earliest opportunity following improved conditions. Therefore the Charge must be withdrawn."
The Magistrate says "You don't seriously expect us to believe you change your tyres every time the weather deteriorates?"
"No, I replied. I am not an idiot ladypoliceman, I change the fucking wheels. If the ladypoliceman was even a modicum brighter she would have noticed that a state of the art 3 litre V8 Rover SD1 does not normally run on black painted steel wheels, with no hub caps, but on Magnesium Alloy spoked wheels! As a professional, international Salesman, frequently driving throughout Europe in all weathers, my car is correctly equipped with two sets of wheels!"
The Magistrates 'retired' to their cell and returned just three minutes later. "All Charges in this case are dismissed. You may leave the Court."
"Not so fast!" I replied. "Your incompetence has cost me half a day's work and a legal fee. Firstly I demand a written apology. Secondly, and before I approach the News desk of the Wisbech Standard, I would like to know what are your plans to reverse the Driving Licence Penalty Points, along with the fines that were handed to the ninety innocent Norfolk bound motorists who preceded me on this clearly contrived and criminally orchestrated con trick!"
At which point my solicitor, who hadn't once opened his mouth since entering the building, fell off his chair.
True story. Absolutely verbatim, and I received a written apology.
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